Fat Jokes

Your mama so fat, she caused a traffic jam just by crossing the street.

Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."

Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.

Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.

Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.

Yo mama's so fat, when she wants to take a bath, they need to make more H2O.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."

Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.

Ur mum is so fat that when she lived in a flat on the highest floor, she fell through the inner floor.

You're so fat that you broke Thanos's snap!

You're so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, you broke the correction.

Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.

You're so fat when you walk into the mall, you *are* the mall.

Yo mama so fat, Bill Gates went broke trying to buy her dinner.

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.

My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.

Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.

When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.