Family jokes
What did the dad say to the kid?
"U got to be kidding me."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't make it a home run.
Adopted kid:
Hey, Alex, what are you doing?
Alex:
Nothing, just playing my game. Anyways, you know you can call me "dad."
Adopted kid:
OK, dad Alex.
Alex:
Oh, come on! My game! I’m winning. Let’s go!
Adopted kid:
I’m so glad I have a mom.
Bully: Agh, you're ugly!
Me: Said your mom when you were born.
Why can't Jordan moan?
Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with...
CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother has diabetes.
Ur mum gay.
What do you call your mom when she goes into the shower?
A shower ma! (shawarma)
Your mom gay, Evan.
Mom hot.
Why was Timmy sad? Because his dad stapled a frog to his forehead.
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Fat moms.
What has two names and one big home?
A person.
Your mum's got big tits.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
What's the difference between milk and my dad?
Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.
A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"
The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."
"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!
Dad: You are one.