Family jokes

Why are orphans so bad at baseball? Because they can never find home.

What is an orphan's least liked meal? Family dinner.

Why do orphans hate any milk?

Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em!

My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!

How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.

FEW!!!!!!!

What flavor do you buy an orphan?

Self raising.

Never got a mother's love, lol.

My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.

They both went extinct.

What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?

One didn't go in the closet.

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.

What is the definition of clapped?

Ur mum when I am in her bed.