Family jokes
What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
They come back.
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home plate.
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.
I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*
Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.
Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?
What do you call Moby Dick's dad?
Papa Boner.
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?
Because they can’t hit the home button.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
I know this isn't the real chicken wing song, but my version...
"Chicken wing, chicken wing, I want your mommy. Slap her with my hairy salami while she's still yawning."
Make your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)
Children and your meat are actually quite similar.
At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
Your forehead is like my dad.
Non-existent.
Your mom.
If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣
Why do orphans love chips?
Because they're all family sized.