Family jokes

Why aren't orphans gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

Why can't an orphan have a phone?

Because they will see a home.

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

How many foster parents does each orphan have?

One half.

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't run home.

If an orphan took a photo, what would it be called?

A self-me.

You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?

'Cause then they know they won't die alone.

What did the orphan say to the bowling ball?

"I am orphan!"

"You are bowling ball!"

His name is "Daddy!" HELP!

I can smell your kids!

What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?

One actually gets picked.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.