Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.
I can't have my Oreos đ Why?
My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.
Your hairline receded just like your father did years ago.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
Whatâs the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?
Theyâre both alone but only one is home.
Your mom's so small that she hang glided on a Dorito!
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasnât the only thing that went down.
What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?
âHere comes the airplane!â
Why did the idiot post so many 9/11 jokes?
Answer: Because his mom is a whore!
Me: I saw your parents yesterday.
Orphan girl: Where?
Me: The coffin was still open.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes âOh, now theyâre broken.â
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, âNo, theyâre just chipped.â
Youâre so fat,
that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.
Yo son so excellent, he gone to a Rubikâs cube competition who competed against his daddy.
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A. His mom threw an oven at him.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, youâll wake your father!
