What cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade
I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.
Your hairline and your eyebrows are like your parents, separated.
What is an orphan's favorite game?
Solitaire.
Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."
My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."
What's the difference between me and you?
I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.
I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?
My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.
Your hairline receded just like your father did years ago.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?
They’re both alone but only one is home.
Your mom's so small that she hang glided on a Dorito!
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
