Family jokes

What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

They can’t find home.

A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.

Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

Orphans have no parents.

A boy and girl are fucking. The girl yells "Senpai!" The boy smiles, pleased, but then her father walks in and says "What?"

New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."

Students: "OOF!"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Your parents!"

A boy and his mother survived a car crash.

The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."

I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.

When is Father's Day?

Nine months before Mother's Day.

I'mma monch ur nan's feet at 3 am tonight, ngl.

What did the tree say to his sister? Wood you please leaf me alone, you son of a birch?

I have a brother and he told me this quote, "No wonder they had a second child, they messed up on the first one." He’s the second child... I’m the first...

What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked my mom.

I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked his mom.

Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."