Family jokes
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
What's your favorite place that orphans can't go to?
Home.
Kid: "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
My dad just comes and goes.
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"
Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't make it a home run.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home plate is.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.
It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."
What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?
Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.
Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.
Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"
Daughter: Dad, why are you so mean?
Dad: Because you are so mean, that's why.
Daughter: You so get on my nerves.
Dad: I am gonna slap you in your god darn head if you don't shut up.
Daughter: Wow, Dad, you savage.
Dad: 21 SAVAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daughter: Oh my God, I am tellin' Mom that you are doin' that thing again.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So that they had someone to call father.
Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?
So they can call someone "daddy."
Why can’t you give an orphan homework?
Because they don’t have a home to do it in.
If an orphan were to get a takeaway, what’s the home address?