Family jokes
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.
Kid goes to the kitchen.
Mom: What are you doing here?
Kid: Just checking out the knife.
Mom: So you've chosen death.
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
If I adopt a child, is it mine?
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯😳
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
Why can’t orphans go on field trips? Because they need parent permission.
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
I'm about to go to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"
Me and kid: hug.
Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
Why can't orphan kids play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Did you know the letter "F" in orphan stands for family?
So my son came up to me and said, "Hey, Dad, I’m hungry." So I replied "Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad."
And then I feed him my dick.
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
... YO MAMA SOO, Oh wait...
Why can’t orphans build computers?
They don’t know where to put the motherboard.
Why do orphans love tennis? It's the only love they get.
In tennis, 0 points is love.
Girl: Can we visit Grandma this weekend?
Mother: Sure.
Five-year-old: Look mommy! Two people and they're wearing rope necklaces!
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My father didn’t beat cancer.