Family jokes
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...
Dad, am I adopted?
NO! Why would I ever choose you?
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.
He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Bully: Agh, you're ugly!
Me: Said your mom when you were born.
I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭
What's an Asian orphan's surname? No Pham.
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?
Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...
Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?
They don't know what a house is.
What is an orphan's favorite time with his family?
"Me time."
Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?
A: Fall.
If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.
Why can't orphans sign up for sports?
They have to have a parent's signature.
Your mom said I was ugly. I told her she couldn’t see her belly button because she was so fat. She said, “I thought I was the only one without one!”
My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.
Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.
My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"
What do you expect when you get out of a bar?
Your mom naked LOLOLOLOL.
Why is an orphan really good at being naughty?
Because they have no one to tell them off.