Family jokes
Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."
My grandpa unplugged the AC, so I unplugged his life support.
Why couldn’t the orphan find home?
Didn’t have eyes.
I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
Why does an orphan always get the newest iPhone?
Because so he does not have a home button.
Yo mama so stupid she threw a Mother's Day party at an orphanage.
Yesterday I was asked where my parents are. I said, "Getting milk."
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
An orphan's parents.
Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.
Friend: What was the first?
Me: They- they weren't always orphans.
Friend: O-O
What are two things orphans can’t have?
Parents.
Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?
A: Because when you're there, you're family.
What are two things that an orphan can’t have?
Two parents.
Why does an orphan have an iPhone X?
Because they have no home button.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They do not have anyone to call "daddy."
What do you call your mom? Gay.
Why do orphans suck at baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
What is an orphan and an apple?
They get picked.