Family jokes
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What did mum say when grandpa called?
Boomerang.
When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
They always come back.
What film do orphans hate?
"Instant Family."
Why can't orphans play games?
Parents signed.
I'm making a website for orphans. [I] won't add the home page.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why was the orphan so successful?
When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he had someone to call Father.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.
We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.
Then, she asked me flirtatiously,
"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"
I said, "Nope, not yet."
She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."
So she took me to her place.
She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,
"Mom, are you still awake?"
Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
So sad that orphans can't watch Family Feud. 😔
Why don't orphans like to get lost?
Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.
What do you do when you're sad? Kick an orphan!
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.