Family jokes
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
Why did the orphan fail all his classes?
He couldn’t do his homework.
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they don't have their parent's email.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Stop making these, I am orphan, pls stop.
What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?
One you can unscrew.
I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
My career is worth more than your adoption.
I love telling jokes about orphans.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
I bought my son a wheelchair for his birthday—turns out he couldn’t get in it.
Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."
My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.
So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."