Family jokes
Why can't orphans have an iPhone?
They can't find the home button.
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.
What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?
Nemo was eventually found.
One day I caught my sister talking to my girlfriend, and she said, "You never told me you're lesbian." I said, "No, not at all." My girlfriend asked, "Why did you not tell her?" and I said, "Because every time I bring a girl home, I hear too much noise in her room, and I never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash." She said, "Yeah, the trash is her junk."
I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.
Welcome to the Fast Food Divorce Center where yesterday's lies are today's fries.
Why are orphans very abusive to their kids?
Because they never had loving parents of their own.
Why don't orphans watch TV?
Because of "Family Guy."
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
I wrote a few jokes:
What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.
Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.
What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.
"Know, know how there."
"Lesh, lesh how can you at lesh remember my name?"
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
Orphan more like “poor”phan because nobody likes him! :)
This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).
Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”
Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.
Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.
So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."
And her mom said, "WHAT?!"
And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"
Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."