Family jokes

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)

My brother thinks he's cool when he just SMELLS.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family portrait........

You might say I'm mean but what are they gonna do..... tell their parents?

Wait..........

What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.

Why do orphans love dogs?

Because dogs stay with them.

When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*

Dad: "I'll be back in a minute."

20 years later

Orphan: "Dad?"

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

"Ur mum is big."

You so gay you have a fat sis and?

It’s funny my sister wanted to have sex with me.

Why do orphans want to be criminals? Because they want to feel what it’s like to be wanted.

Why is an orphan like a boomerang? Because they always come back.

I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

People have houses, but I don't have a house because I don't have parents, said the orphan.

Why do orphans have water in cereal?

Because mom was never around to produce milk.