Family jokes
Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"
Why can't orphans ever be criminals?
He is not wanted.
Why can't orphans play football?
Because they can't be on the home team.
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.
Dad: Johnny! Johnny!
Little Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Dad: Did you hit your brother?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Telling lies?
Little Johnny: No, Papa!
Dad: Let me see your fist.
Little Johnny: Ha ha ha!
Dad: What is so funny?
Little Johnny: You are, Dad, because I don't have a brother!
Dad: >:(
Little Johnny: What? It's true!
Dad: You do have a point there, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Love you, Dad!
Dad: Love you too, son.
What's the difference between an orphan and a criminal?
The criminal is wanted.
A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
Why don't orphans drink milk?
'Cause their parents have not came back with it yet.
I ate my mom.
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive," but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.
Kid: So what? At least they love me more.
Why are orphans so lucky?
Every crisp packet is family sized.
I can’t help you find orphan jokes. Maybe ask their family.
Why can't orphans have a computer?
They don't have a home page.
Why do the twin towers and my mom have in common? They fell over.