Family jokes
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive," but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.
Kid: So what? At least they love me more.
Why are orphans so lucky?
Every crisp packet is family sized.
I can’t help you find orphan jokes. Maybe ask their family.
Why can't orphans have a computer?
They don't have a home page.
Why do the twin towers and my mom have in common? They fell over.
What do orphans go to church for?
So they can call someone "father."
You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.
What should you never say to an orphan?
"Your Mom."
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.
What did the dad say when he left the lollipop store?
"Cya suckers!🍭"
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.
Why can't Orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Girl: Wanna come over to my house?
Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.
Why do Orphans like school?
Because they don't have a home to go back to afterwards.
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.
Why can't orphans get a job?
Because they don't have a home.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."