Family jokes
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.
Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.
Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.
Orphans can be a robber if they want because their parents won't be disappointed.
Why do orphans like belts?
They remind them of their father.
"Cummy wummy all over my mummy."
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because there's no home.
What is the difference between an apple tray and an orphan? The apples get picked.
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"
What do Batman and orphans have in common?
Their parents died.
Why can't orphans have an iPhone?
'Cause they can't find the home button.
Q: Why is it good being an orphan?
A: Because the family sized bag is all there's.
Uder the sheets.
Under the sheeeets. Me and your mother making your brother.
Under the sheets. Do do do do dododoodoooddododoodo.
SEX KIDS FUCKING VIRGINS
What do orphans and blind kids have in common: They both can't see their parents.
So I told an orphan if her mom is hot, he wouldn't stop crying.
Why does an orphan hate the internet?
Because he's always on the homepage.
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Like this if you are in foster care.
Like this if you have ever had a family member die.
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.