Family jokes

When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.

Dad, I hate you!

The way ladies cheat nowadays is very alarming.

She might give birth to twins, but each twin having a different father. 😭

Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.

Why can't an orphan get a tattoo at a young age?

They don't have parent permission.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?

Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.

Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?

Orphan: About 200 years.

Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.

Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.

Your mother's hairline is sooooooo long cause Dora the Explorer could not explore it.

My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite school event? Homecoming!

Roses are red, violets are blue, people think that you’re fat, until they saw your mom.

Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!