Family jokes
My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.
Me: So you're gonna leave me again?
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
Why are kids so skinny?
Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
The orphan can’t play soccer because he doesn’t know where home is, and his school is too dumb to learn.
The mom and dad left the child because they were famous and rich, like rich monkeys.
What do you call an orphan who likes football?
Because someone will actually give him something.
Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!
Your hairline and your mom go way back.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
Why do orphans commit crimes?
Because they want to be wanted.
Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."
Orphan: Can I go outside?
Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.
Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW
What flour do you buy an orphan?
Self-raising flour.
My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.
She said help, so I kicked her.
What’s an orphan’s favourite movie?
Spider-Man: Homecoming.
What’s an orphan’s favorite school event?
Homecoming.
Why do orphans use Samsung?
Because iPhones have home buttons.
Why does an orphan like The Beatles? Because it's family friendly.