Eye jokes

What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.

Bitch: Nice eyebrows.

Me: Yeah, where's yours, motherfucker?

Bitch: (Realizing she shaved them off cause she thought it would look cool)

Wahoo!

My friend: Yo stupid.

Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?

My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*

Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.

What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"

What is a doe called with no legs?

•" No legged deer."

What do you call a deer with no ears?

•" No eared deer."

What do you call a deer with no eye?

•" No eye deer."

XDDDDDD

Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?

His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.

Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.

My friend and I got into a fight. I looked straight forward and said, "Look me in my eyes!"

Q: How do you cover a Chinese's eyes?

A: Use dental floss.

What do you call a white man that’s blind?

Asian eyes.

You're as useless as Stevie Wonder's eyes!

Yo mama so fat, she's the reason why Slenderman has no eyes.

"Herro, I cannot see my eyes."

When I look in your eyes, I always see something: my reflection. 😂

My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."

Can I watch you?

Yes, you can watch me your watch.

No, I mean can I WATCH you?

I don't get it. 😑 *facepalm*.

OOOOOOH YOU MEAN WATCH WITH YOUR EYES! YES!

Say:

"Eye"

Spell:

"Map"

Say:

"Ness"

Now say it fast!

Why do Asians don’t wear contacts? Cause they can’t fitt.

Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my blind friend couldn’t see, she said, “Open yo eyes!”