Everything jokes

Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."

Yo mama so short, she wakes up every day in a brick house singing “Everything is Awesome”.

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

Girls Are Yummy Stupid

Are Really Erectable

Tasty Honey Ejaculable

Booty Everything Sucking Titties

Gays don't be mad, read the first letter of every word :D

Black holes and horny black women have 1 thing in common, they suck everything in sight.

Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!

The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

Never trust a Justin, he is made up of atoms that make up everything.

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Chuck Norris doesn't zoom out; everything moves backwards.

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.

Which makes me an eighth-theist.

I don't trust atoms.

They make up everything.

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"