Evers jokes

"Sonic Says", "If you're ever bored and have nothing to do, then just punch an orphan in the face. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?"

Do you ever wonder why orphans buy small cereal boxes? It's because they can't get family size.

They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

The Blonde got a Ph.D.?

Yeah, like that would ever happen.

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.

If you ever get cold, just go to a corner because they're usually 90 degrees.

JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.

If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"

Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.

If you ever think no one cares about you,

kill someone, then the news will.

Chuck Norris can kick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever had.

The twin towers were the best soldiers ever. Stand together, fall together!

Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...

What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?

"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."

Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.

Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?

My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."

So I said, "Okay."