Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.
Have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?
Jesus is the worst, just joking; he is the best! Best best BFF great guy ever that has a miracle. Jesus comes from Bethlehem! 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😇
Store owner: You have to be 40 inches tall to go into the adult section.
Kid: Please.
Store owner: Oh okay, but get on your tippy toes.
Kid: Everybody is hugging.
Bully: Have you ever heard of a brain?
Stupid kid: No.
Bully: You should go get one!
Stupid kid: Wwwwaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
The Blonde got a Ph.D.?
Yeah, like that would ever happen.
They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
Do you ever wonder why orphans buy small cereal boxes? It's because they can't get family size.
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
Russia vs. Ukraine is the ultimate CS:GO match ever!
Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.
The twin towers were the best soldiers ever. Stand together, fall together!
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.
Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.
JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.
If you're ever frustrated, just punch them in the face. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
