Embarrassment Jokes

One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.

His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.

The man goes on to say, “a lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in her butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.”

“That explains one black eye,” the wife says, “but what about the other?” The man explains, “I figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up there.”

If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

My shirt is only red when I think about sex.

Social media after banning Trump from every platform: “Haha he’s so embarrassed that he doesn’t speak anymore...what an idiot!”

Why are priests called father? Because it's not appropriate to call them daddy. Also because it is embarrassing.

*fart* 👀 Oops!

That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.

When you're at school and you have to wipe your ass, but it's only one ply...

Your finger breaks through... mmm, finger lickin' good.

A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".

The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.

Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!

What's the definition of disappointment?

Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.

What’s black, white, and red all over?

An embarrassed biracial guy.

TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.

Why was the people's wedding so miserable...

'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.

I unironically shit myself. I am so sorry.

What's black and white and red all over?

The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.