Embarrassment jokes
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
Why did the octopus blush?
He saw the bottom of the ocean.
Why did I get a divorce, you ask? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't get me a present and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my co-workers didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" That moment, I felt so special. She then asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay," I said.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
What’s black, white, and red all over?
An embarrassed biracial guy.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.
It ain't always easy having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!
Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!
My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.
That being said I wish he hadn't!
"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.
Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.
I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.
We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.
I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.
My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"
So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."
Hailey: "Hey Brayden!"
Brayden: "Hey!"
*Music roles around*
*I tell Brayden Hailey likes him*
Brayden: "O_O"
Hailey: *Hides*
So sad </3 xD
"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"
"Ok!"
"Are you ok, man?"
"Yeah, I’m fine."
"Dude, pull your pants back up!"