Elevation jokes
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
Stairs are bad, because they are always up to something.
Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?
Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
Why was the rapper afraid of elevators?
He was worried about getting stuck between the bars.
Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?
He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.
I love stairs. They always bring me up.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
Bully: Oh, look at your shoes, look at your pants, look at your shirt, ay, ay, ay.
Me: Ding, ding, sing, oh, did you hear that? It's the elevator 'cause you're not on my level.
Bully: u_u ......
Crowd: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
Why are mountains so funny? Because they are so high!
I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...
It was wrong on so many levels.
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"