ED jokes

What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?

They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.

What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?

Call them retarded.

I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.

My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].

Me: So tell me about it then.

My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.

Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.

Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.

My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.

Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.

Me: My bad again. Do continue.

My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.

Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?

My cousin: By the game.

Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]

An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.

The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."

People are so f***ed up. I belated "Frickin' BTW!"

A bowman walked into a throne room, and he bowed to him.

What do you say when Jack's late to sex ed?

"Aye-jack-you-late!"

I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

What instrument does a special ed kid play? An autistic guitar.

Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?

Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.

What do you call a giraffe without a bowtie? Neck-ed.

Ed is Ed in bed, full of head.

Don't joke about Juice WRLD; he died a hard life, so get f***ed.

So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"

And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."

Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"

And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."

And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"

There once was a commie called Ed. Usually known as Ned. He went to bed, Got shot in the head, Unfortunately now he was dead.

Yo mama such a quitter, she di[ed].

What do you call a retarded fruit?

Mentally in-pear-ed.

We don't have school shooters; we have special ed breeches.