Earth jokes
A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.
People of Earth: *running and screaming*
Santen: *to God* Really?
Your hairline is so far back that it made every country on earth disappear.
Your mum is so fat when she died the Earth was flat! 😂😂😂😂
Average bee is 50x smarter than the smartest flat earther.
Yo mama is so big, her belt size is "equator."
Yo mama so fat, she went to the moon without leaving Earth.
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.
Your mama's so fat, when she grew an inch, she pushed the Earth down.
Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
Yo mama so fat when she walks the earth talks!
LMAO
What do you call the closest plant to the sun? The hot ball.
Your hairline is so close to Earth, it's 100 million lightyears away!
Battery 1%.
I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.
Your chest is flatter than pre-Aristotle's concept of Earth.
Yo mama so fat, when she was just there, she made the whole earth go back to the ice age!