Chuck Norris gets paid $2 million a month training Bear Grylls how to survive in the “harshest conditions on earth.”
Vegans: Save the Earth.
Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!
What did the sun say to the Earth?
"Am I hot?"
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
What do you call a un-funny rock?
A normal rock.
Your momma is so fat, the whole Earth falls down to 100,000,000 ft.
What can a rock possibly say?
Answer: I'll fuck ya mum rock hard.
What's the worst living thing on planet earth?
Humans.
I think if the center of the earth froze, it would be pretty hard core.
I was born on the moon.
Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.
I always look at the earth and think, "Ahh, this is TREE-ific!"
What is the thirstiest ocean in the world?
The Gulf of Mexico lol!
If nine is a number, then why on Earth is not "ja" a number?
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
What did one mountain say to the other? Nice to peak you!
Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?
A: It rises every morning.
What language do people at the center of the Earth speak?
Core-an (Korean)
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
Did you hear the one about the hills?
It was hillarious.
