What can you do for a magic house?
Make it fly!
What do you call a un-funny rock?
A normal rock.
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.
So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...
What does a nosey paper do?
It gets "Jalapeño" your face!
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
Me: Doctor, can I get a new butt? My old one has a crack in it.
Doctor: I told you a billion times already. Everyone's butt has a crack in it.
Me: How do you know that?
"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."
This is nothing to do with 9/11, but this is my best joke.
What do you call a Paki in a microwave?
Pting pting pting.
Why do kids want to become cops? They want to find the guy who touched them.
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.
What do you call a shitty movie? One that fucking sucks and shits.
What do you call a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
Do you like me? Joke... Well come on!
BOOMSHACKALATA!
What do boobs and toys have in common?
Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.
Why do babies cry? Cuz they can't suck very well.
What do you call a person who smokes?
Smokey the Bear.
What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.
