Do jokes
Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"
Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."
Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."
Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?
Mash potato.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
What do you call a blind German?
A not see.
Memes
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
What do you call an angry Texan?
A Confederate leader.
What do you call a midget with autism?
A weetard.
How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips.
What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
"What do you call a deer with no eyes?" -- "No-eye-deer."
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.