Discount jokes

Want to save 50% on your Chinese?

Just ask before you pay.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.

You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

How do you get a discount off groceries?

Scan the emo kid's wrists.

Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.

Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.

Cashier: Sure!

Elderly man: Danke.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.

What do Jane Doe and a cheap discount store have in common?

When the shop's open late, inventory management shuts down, but we all know there's probably some sausages in there.

Setting: Funeral Home

Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.

Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.

Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?

Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.

Customer: Okay?

Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.

By: MiniMemorials.com

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.

Scan my wrist for 75% off!

Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.