Disability jokes
Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
Why can’t Sally hang herself?
She does not have arms.
Why did Sally run into a tree?
She is blind.
Why can't Sally hit herself? Because she has no arms.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
I put the sexy in dyslexia.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
- Mommy, I want a bicycle!
- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!
So Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a stool, then a table, then a door...
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."