Dick's jokes
"Dick me down shorts."
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"
And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."
And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"
And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."
I am gay, is that ok?
I be on top sucking dick all day. I make him bust every day.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Suck a big dick.
Question: Do you know who Candis is?
Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
Q. What do Kenny's dick and this joke have in common?
A. They're both really short.
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
If Uranus was a dick, then why do they make Uranus?
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
Dick muncher.
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.
He said, "Best surprise ever!"
In 69, the 6 looks like someone facing up. The 9 looks like someone facing down.
69 looks like 2 people suck each other’s dick. That means, L7.