Dick's jokes

If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?

That number is how many dicks you suck.

There is a Mexican sitting on a train.

The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."

The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.

You walk into an area that has big asses on the wall, and they feel lifelike, so you put your dick into them, and you go on the opposite side of the wall, and women are naked through the wall.

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

Skidaddle skidoodle, your dick is now a noodle!

Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?

Crush: Candice.

Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?

Crush: *slaps me, walks away*

YOUR MOM sucks my dick 24/7.

When you send a dick pic and she sends one back,

I'm glad mine is the biggest, so I get to fuck my dad again.

My dick said that your ass is having a boner.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."

Three cowboys are at a fire talking about the best things they have done.

Cowboy 1 says, "I have taken out a whole group of raiders with my bare hands."

Cowboy 2 says, "I have killed a herd of bulls with my thumb."

Cowboy 3 chuckles as he mixes the fire with his dick.

This joke is short... like your dick!

Question: Do you know who Candis is?

Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?

I knew a girl called Melissa, but she was a tranny, and he could suck his own dick.

"Dick me down shorts."

My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.

What do you call a fish that has a dick?

Moby Dickkkkk!

I fucked the shit outta of my friend's mom with my 8 inch dick (Adrian). PS. Sorry, Adrian!

I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.

When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.