I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
These ain't jokes. These are just sad truths.
I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.
It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.
Me: I'ma sign up to be a clown.
My friend: Why?
Me: Because my life is a joke. 😂
Suicide is never the answer.
Suicide is the question.
The answer is yes.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.
So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."
There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope...
