A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
These ain't jokes. These are just sad truths.
I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.
It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.
Suicide is never the answer.
Suicide is the question.
The answer is yes.
Mom: Wake up!
Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...
Mom: Why are you disappointed?
Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.
So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."
There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
Why doesn't my egg want to crack?
Because I hate my egg-sistence.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope...
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
I wanna die.
There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
