Despair jokes

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.

Person B: Over my dead body.

Person B: *gets the noose*

Why doesn't my egg want to crack?

Because I hate my egg-sistence.

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope...

I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.

I wanna die.

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.

Why did the liberal cross the road?

(Ah, fuck this shit, I'm gonna kill myself!)

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉

All you need is a razor blade in life.

My life.

Kill me, please.

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.