Despair jokes

Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.

What kills you?

Suicide.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

What makes sad people jump? Bridges.

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

Me: I have lost it.

Random: Lost what?

Me: My will to live.

Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

I don’t see why people say that emo kids don’t like to hangout. I seen them hanging all day.

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*