Newest Depression Jokes - Worst Jokes Ever

Don't do suicide shit nearly killed me tbh 🙏🙏🙏🙏

What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself? A hypoteNUSE!

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline. The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me." a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

What do you call a depressed acapella group? Self Harmony.

How do you make the grass cut itself? Make it depressed.

experiment

Optional Depression
33.3k points 4 months ago edited 4 months ago
I'd train gorillas in weightlifting, really see how tanked they can get. Boost them with steroids along
the way.
2
After that, I take my army of beasts, pump them full of cocaine, and let them loose in an empty
shopping mall.
Wanna see which stores they like and which ones they don't. Y'know, for science nshit.
Edit: I've had some fantastic input from you geniuses. To add: The gorillas will be trained in all
beefup exercises, even though science is against me on this one. We're gonna throw some PCP in
with the cocaine. Cybernetic hearts to handle the load of coke, yadda, yadda, yadda... thought I
had more on this. Oh! And the mall is empty because I'm not a freaking murderer, you guys! Quit
trying to kill everyone! Not all science is about death, geez.

I'm gonna open up a bar for emos. I think I'll call it the The Cutting Board.

Evolution, can u give me
brains to understand world?
yeeeeeeeees
To understand world?
actually develops crippling
depression like a fcking loser
tide
tide time

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed". I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there son".

My biology teacher told us “get out nice and sharp colored pencils”. Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself

Why did the math book kill itself? it had too many problems.

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office. "I'm feeling like killing myself," he said. "Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce

kid: #1: You're adopted. kid#2: At least they wanted me. kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist

Me: I'm depressed so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain