Death jokes

My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.

"My parents are dead, lol," said the orphan.

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

What did the parents say to the orphan? "Where are your parents?"

Oh... wait.

Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.

The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

Why'd the orphan cross the road? He was told his parents were on the other side.

"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."

"What type of book is it?"

"An autobiography."

What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.

If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.

What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?

Their ankles.

Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.

How did Princess Diana die?

Giving the glove box head.

Why is Death the world's biggest slut?

Death gets to f*** everyone.

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

How do you bury a prostitute?

In a Y-shaped coffin.

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.