Day jokes
How does a rapper start his day?
With a MIC check!
What is the best time!? 6:22 a.m.
I did a walk today, but it was good for me and my car. And a walk today.
Q: What's the first day of the week in outer space?
A: Moonday!
We all know the joke: Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But do you know why 9 is scared of 7?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day (3 squared).
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
What did the dog say when he came home from a long shift at work? Today was ruff.
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!
You know how Stephen is smart, which class did he skip?
Leg day.
Yo mama is so old that she was born on the first day the universe existed.
One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?
Why are there only 362 days in an orphan's calendar? They don’t have Father's Day, Mother's Day, or Family Day.
Roses are red, violets are blue, at the end of the day, you're gay.
Some people could say that the sky was falling that day,
one second they saw the sun and the next they saw heaven.
The day I saw people asking Lebron James whether he liked to play basketball, my thoughts be like: wait, so Lebron James is gay cuz he likes to play with them balls.
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
Llama: Hey sheep, let's play cards.
Sheep: Llama, fuck off!!
Llama: What's your damn problem?
Sheep: Nothing, I'm just having a Baahd day, okay dick head?
What would you call the previous president when he is having a bad day?
Donald Grump.
Boosterthon asks to raise up to $35,000.
I donate $35,000. I ask, "What's my prize?" Boosterthon worker says, "Here's a headband." Me: "I donated the goal, so is that it?" Boosterthon worker: "No, it's $35,000 per person." I pass out. Boosterthon worker goes back to work like it is a regular day.