Date

Date jokes

Bullshit

  • Kariana: Dad and mom, what is this bullshit?

    Treon: How did you find that?!

    Kariana: It was under the cabinet where you told me to put the streamers. I found these under the cabinet, did she have another sister you didn't tell me about? Now tell the truth, or else!

    Petina: Now what have we told you about going into things that are not yours!

    Kariana: I just told you to say the fricking truth, now who is Faineni? Where is she? Who is she? What is her date of birth? Why do I have her bra under here and why....IS IT UNDER THE FRICKING CABINET!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!

    Treon: We can't!

    Kariana: BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!

  • 1
  • Relationship

  • Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

    Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

    Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

    Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

    Karien: That is so boring!

    Daiana: Well just work with me please?

    Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

  • 6
  • Birthday

  • A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

    Answer: He was born on February 29.

    Man

  • After every line, say “I’m a man.”

    I went to the club. (I’m a man)

    I met a girl. (I’m a man)

    I took her to the bar. (I’m a man)

    We got some drinks. (I’m a man)

    I took her home. (I’m a man)

    We got in bed. (I’m a man)

    She whispered in my ear... (I’m a man)

    Punch Line

  • A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

    He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

    He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

    Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.

    Stripper

  • Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

    Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

  • 0
  • Orphan

  • Hey, this is to orphans:

    "Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"

    Lie

  • "You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?

    Number

  • So we all know why 6 was afraid of 7, because 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? It was in between 9/11.

    Mom

  • When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).

  • 0
  • Weirdo

  • HEY D.K. date ME, not that weirdo Freshfry! I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEE UUUUUUUUUUU D.K. Let's DATE! I'm 13 ;)

    Butcher

  • "I work with animals," the man said to his date.

    His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"

    "I am a butcher," said the man.

    Anniversary

  • I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.

  • 0
  • Rape

  • Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

    Tj: Good... you?

    Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

    Tj: 😏.

    Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

    Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

    Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

    Tj: NO!!!!!!

    1 day later.

    Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

    Website

  • "Tj and Prince, I really think we should stop doing this date night, date fight thing on this website because it's driving everyone crazy, and this is a joke website, not a dating website, so I say let's just take this to Facebook."