I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.
Damage Jokes
Yo mama so fat, that when she fell I didn’t laugh, but damn that sidewalk cracked up. 👋
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked across the floor, she fell through it.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.
Q: What do a blond girl and a tornado have in common? A: There's a lot of blowing and sucking, then you lose your house.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
Your mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete cracked up.
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.
So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Super Power Beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.
Splat.
The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”
Yo mama so fat that she broke your computer!
lol
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What time do you have when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
I made an AR that shoots boo boo bullets. It does poison time 10x damage. You have a very good chance of getting STD. Very good AR. Going for 100,000. Email: EatandDrinkbouls@gmail.com
I felt a window break once. It was pane-full!
