Dais jokes

Where can white people cook better than Black people?

On Father’s Day.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.

What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?

One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

What do you call field day in Africa?

The Hunger Games.

Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?

Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!

Yo momma's like a cloud, when she disappears, it's a beautiful sunny day.

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."

Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.

Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because it was the chicken's day off!

Do you know what my favorite time of day is?

6:30, hands down.

Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.

🎨🧑🏻‍🦰 day was that good fun day at home 🏠. I had to the earth and I love it when you get a home and walk walk home from school and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏠. Was your birthday 🎁? I did.

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.

The last entry was about 12 years old.

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."