Dais jokes

The fourth month (symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.

That day is called "April Fool's."

Why are gay dudes so rude?

Because they're fucking assholes.

I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.

The last entry was about 12 years old.

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

I told an orphan there were 363 days in a year.

Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.

What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?

One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

What do you call field day in Africa?

The Hunger Games.

Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?

Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

Yo momma's like a cloud, when she disappears, it's a beautiful sunny day.

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

Where can white people cook better than Black people?

On Father’s Day.

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

Guys, you shouldn't joke about 9/11.

My great-uncle died that day. Best damn pilot in Iraq.

I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.

One day, a little girl was texting her friend. "Guess what, Angelica!" said the little girl.

"What?" Angelica replied.

"I'm a guy."