Dais jokes

You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...

Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...

People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.

The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."

Just remembering the day when the Jets beat the New York Giants.

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

One day, a little girl was texting her friend. "Guess what, Angelica!" said the little girl.

"What?" Angelica replied.

"I'm a guy."

You were sad because your grandmother died.

The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.

I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.

9/11 2001... that day was fire🔥

What did John say to little Timmy? Happy Disable day!

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?

Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!

A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

The next day, he could see only one color... black.

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.

He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.

One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.

The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”

Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”