Dais jokes
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
One day, a little girl was texting her friend. "Guess what, Angelica!" said the little girl.
"What?" Angelica replied.
"I'm a guy."
You were sad because your grandmother died.
The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.
I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.
9/11 2001... that day was fire🔥
What did John say to little Timmy? Happy Disable day!
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have a “mother’s” or “father’s” day!
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"
The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."
The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"
The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."
Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.
He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.
One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.
The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”
Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn't know back-to-school sales had started already!
The fourth month (symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.
That day is called "April Fool's."
Why are gay dudes so rude?
Because they're fucking assholes.