Dais jokes

I did a walk today, but I did have a good day. Tomorrow night, I...

A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?

I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.

Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”

Soldier says, “Mhm.”

Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”

Soldier says, “Really?”

The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"

Hi 👋, was the day you?

My teacher told me to have a good day. SOOOOOOOOOO I went home :)

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

When is Father's Day?

Nine months before Mother's Day.

It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!

What is your favorite time of day?

What time is it when you say "bad day?"

I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!

One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.

The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"

The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.

I got my son a bike for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair all day crying.

Same old boring ass day, until a person with Parkinson's fainted and got everyone's attention.

He really shook things up today.

How does a rapper greet someone on a cold day?

"Yo, is the temperature Ice Cube, or Vanilla Ice?"

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.