9/11 2001... that day was fiređ„
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left? Doctor: Ten. Man: Weeks? Months? Days? Doctor Nine, eight, seven...
One day my mom told me not to be an acter i said but mommy i will make alot of money!
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day and she said i could be anything i wanted to be if i put my mind to it, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it even if it's messy
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him "Don't skip leg day."
I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling. He never came back the next day, says the local news.
why does joe only have 264 days in his calendar? because he cant celebrate fathers day.
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?" Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!" >The teacher grabbed Billy, and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, " Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I ***KNEW*** that damn thing had wheels!"
This the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ
"He said one day, you'll leave this world behind. So live a life you will remember. My father told me when I was just a child, these are the nights that never die. My father told me."
Whenever I think about it deeply it makes me wanna cry :(
Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day Emo kids: Here lies Chris he shot himself
So There was a male whale and a female whale swimming threw the ocean .One day the male whale sees a ship and says "that's the ship that killed my parents" . So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea. The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive so he opened his mouth and went for the man but out nowhere the female whale yells. " HEY!!, I was in it for the blowjob but I'm not gonna eat sea men"
Whatâs Whitney Houstonâs favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
Whatâs better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I donât know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Read more: 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying âOoh, I love how smooth it is.â
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common? Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
one day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said,"First time?"
wow he stole my antideprresive toy. the next day he was on the ground
my teacher asked me what my favirote number was yesterday and i said 2977, i chose 91 for my football jersey number and sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher mr jacksons dad died in 9/11 and when he was talking about it friday the 9th i threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting monday
Today is the day, time for more jokes!
why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? because they had no one to pick them up. what's a orphans best friend? a boomarange because it's the only thing that ever came back.
The Good Old Days > You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I say a little girl crying and I said where is your parents that day I got fired from the orphanage đ€Ș
