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Dais jokes

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?

Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!

Me going to jail for telling the orphan he has 363 days because mothers and Father’s Day.

What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

Wanna know something the orphan could never do?

Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

Why is an orphan's least favorite day field trip day?

Because they can't get a parent's signature.

So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.

The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.