Dad jokes
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
Mother: We need to talk about sex...
Jason: Oh, sex, tell me what do you wanna know.
Jason had a big whooping from his mother and big spanking from his dad.
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?
Liam: I like you both.
Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to paris.
Mother: That's means you like dad more.
Liam: No, its because i like paris.
Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to America.
Mother: Why?
Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
My dad just comes and goes.
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
One orphan said, "Daddy, chill." I was like, "You don't have a dad!"
What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?
Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.
Daughter: Dad, why are you so mean?
Dad: Because you are so mean, that's why.
Daughter: You so get on my nerves.
Dad: I am gonna slap you in your god darn head if you don't shut up.
Daughter: Wow, Dad, you savage.
Dad: 21 SAVAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daughter: Oh my God, I am tellin' Mom that you are doin' that thing again.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
The "M" and "D" in "orphan" stands for Mom and Dad.
What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?
My dad is nice!
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
Why can’t I drive? 'Cuz my dad never showed me how, yet.
Dad, sad, bad, rad, nad, tad, glad, clad, plaid, had.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
What do you get when you put a clown, a peodophile, a gay wet person?
Answer: YOUR DAD
Your mom is a transgender, your dad took a wrong turn just like his gender, your brother is just gay.
My dad came over late at night. He was drunk. He started telling me how useless I was. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed him in the chest 47 times.
Three minutes later, he died. Now I’m losing my mind and cutting myself.