Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
Dad Jokes
The "M" and "D" in "orphan" stands for Mom and Dad.
What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?
My dad is nice!
From your Dad.
I won’t be back for a while, it’s a very long line.
Why can’t I drive? 'Cuz my dad never showed me how, yet.
Dad, sad, bad, rad, nad, tad, glad, clad, plaid, had.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"
The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."
What do you get when you put a clown, a peodophile, a gay wet person?
Answer: YOUR DAD
Your mom is a transgender, your dad took a wrong turn just like his gender, your brother is just gay.
My dad came over late at night. He was drunk. He started telling me how useless I was. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed him in the chest 47 times.
Three minutes later, he died. Now I’m losing my mind and cutting myself.
What does your mum have in common with your dad?
They are both men.
joe: Are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.
joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.
Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.
The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”
As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!
Me: But Billy's with her right now.
Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM
Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.
How does Helen Keller say "dad?"
I don’t know, but you should ask her... wait, never mind, she can’t talk.
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.
