The duck bought lipstick when he paid he said put it on my bill
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive,slipped,and said, "oh shit".
me: so you two girls are from England girls: wales me: oh i see, so you two whales are from England
What do you call a country with nukes? Abomination.
What’s the world’s most diseased country?
GerMany
A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it, and shouts "I love my country!", Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country", finally the Iraqi man drops a bomb, and shouts, "I love my country!"
Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted my house blew up!"
3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free".
An american is touring the Soviet union. A russian takes him to a school so he can see what its like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The american asks whats wrong and he cries "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
what is red white and blue and makes me proud to live in this country? the baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.
In normal country you call it Yugoslavia. In soviet Russia its call aregoslavia.
In normal country you call it Yugoslavia. In soviet Russia its called yugostravia.
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country how many heads will you blow off? That number is how many dicks you suck
Whats fast and almost got away? A Mexican jumping the border.
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation. When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
Don't bother; just try to live in England.
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
The point of war is not to die for your country, but to make the fresh recruit on the enemie's side die for his.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags „We have nuclear submarines which can stay under water for six weeks without having to resurface!“. Trump goes on „Six weeks? That’s nothing. I have the best submarines, they‘re underwater für at least three months!“. Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - „Heil Hitler! We need Diesel.“
Fortnite is like America... At one time it was good and free. Now it's neither.
Why do toy bears have small eyes because they were made in China
