I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."
Look, I'm innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY, but my co-pilot said: "Hit it with your best shot."
Why do emos like yo-yo's? Cos they get strangled by the string.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.
A note for my History Teacher:
Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interrupting Co- MOO!
Top 10 Cos:
1. Disco 2. Flamenco 3. Fresco 4. Fiasco 5. Monaco 6. Tobacco 7. Bronco 8. Morocco 9. UNESCO 10. Taco
Pexico? Not top 1000 in my honest book.
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
Quiet kid reaches down and class starts running.
Quiet kid: What's wrong? Pulling out my...
Why is Ronnie Anne in love with Lincoln? Because he has a fat nugen.
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't hit home runs.
Are you in the alphabet 'cause I wanna give you the D.
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo into you?
