New Cos Jokes

LLB- me and Shrek built a theme park for you mummy and it’s called Dummy pee pee poo poo doo doo land cos Shrek likes to poop

Shrek- should I pull the trap

*LBB’s mom walks into the trap*

LBB and Shrek- surprise we’re mailing you to Peepoo Peepoo AB

Why was Santa happy

Cos he has ho's

Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself. ", Well I hope Ur hungry I replied, cos they cut off my electric this morning"

sully: praised after landing in the hudson river garuda indonesia 421: sullys co pilot:

Y does rapboat like underage girls? Cos grown ass girls r too clever for him.

Dear Victims.....äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building...äh Amazing City. Theres online but 2000 there ware two Towers.....äh Restaurants. We Hijack the plane....äh Hi Jack. Jack is my Co-pilot and i said hello. Don‘t scream...History Repea..äh.. History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport“💀

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."

At this point the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!!"

Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.

The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."

Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock

He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-

Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!

A note for my History Teacher:

Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack mr khan and give him a big fat whack cos his teaching's got lack his system i will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack I'll throw him on the clothing rack on his seat I'll put thumb tacks i'll break his momma's back.... and he'll never come back @DreamBlue

Food makes are proudly presenting human flesh made foods donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives T and C apply this is only in the best shops in your town or down the road or in your country 1 like = 1 family member donated cos we're saving lives😎😎

What’s an orphans favourite phone? An iPhone 14 cos it doesn’t have a home button

Y don’t Indians play soccer?

Cos every time they get a corner they open a shop

y r ofans bad at bassball cos thay can't hit home runs

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out. "He doesn't love me anymore!!" The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because ,most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis' the officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

I never do dark jokes but when i feel like it, i prefer orphan jokes, cos theyre the safest option. I mean what are they gonna do, call their parents?