Contradiction jokes

Wanna hear somethin' ironic?

When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.

A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?

I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.

I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.

I'm a gay depressed person. Would that make me a happy unhappy person?

Anakin Skywalker: I don't like sand.

*also him*

Anakin Skywalker: I lived on sand.

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

I'm in school right now, but I'm on an airplane.