James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
Cocktail Jokes
I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.
What's Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
What is a porn star's favourite potato crisp flavour...
Prawn cocktail.
What is the favorite drink of a vampire?
bloody mary.
Why do vampires drink blood?
Because they can't drink Bloody Marys because they are vampires.
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."
The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"
The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."
The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"
She says, "Vinegar and water."
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
What is a lesbian's favorite potato chip flavor?
Porn Cocktail.
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.