Clap

Clap jokes

Hat

    • Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.

    A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.

  • 0

    • Pilot

    • Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

    Passengers: *Clap*

    Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

    Flight Attendant: And what is that?

    Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

    Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

  • 2

    • Movie

    • Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?

    Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.

    Mom: Can you hear them?

    Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.

    Mom: Why do you think that?

    Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.

  • 1

    • Song

    • This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?

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    • Pass

    • Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!

    - 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!

    Better than Elanga?

  • 1
    • Clap memes

    Racist

    • Comedian: If you’re racist and you know it, clap your hands.

    Guy 1 & Guy 2: 👏👏

    Comedian: WTF bros!

    Comedian: And one of you is black and one is white. How does that work?

  • 9

    • Guy

    • Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.

    Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶

    School

    • The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.

  • 3

    • Kid

    • Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?

    Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

    Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!

    Mom: Exactly.

  • 1